God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
