I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
