i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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