he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
