I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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