Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
