The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I look better un-naked...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nutella sex= disaster
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
