I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
