i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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