Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
