If that was your dad, he is hot
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
