drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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