Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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