it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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