there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
