I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
