shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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