Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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