On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
