time to smoke my breakfast
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
