I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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