I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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