so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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