your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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