i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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