just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
