No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
