Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
