who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
