Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
