i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
