I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
two words...techno handjob
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
