Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
