Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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