i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
