you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
