Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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