Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
