Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
