Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
