I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
