we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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