Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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