Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
