I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
