i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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