He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
