I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
