you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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