Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
