she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
