OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
