PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize