He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
