I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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