my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
