So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
