I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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