1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize