I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
