I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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