I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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