Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
even my farts smell like vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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