yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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