well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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