I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
