Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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