Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
