How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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