sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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