i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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