so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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