You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
