she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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