Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
