oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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