I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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