Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
